A baby’s brain remembers PAIN
I have a substantial dent in my skull. When I asked my mother what happened, she said she thinks it happened at birth. Though it doesn’t show in any of…
Parents don’t WANT to SEE their child in DISTRESS
I was immediately transported back into my childhood, when I saw a video of Chinese girls in an orphanage. Due to the one child policy in the 90s parents where…
PARENTS breaking in – a CRIME
It has been a month now since my father broke into my apartment. In the middle of winter and only two month away from the deadline for my thesis. The…
LOOSING a loved one – never too young to REMEMBER
After I was born, my mother went back to work and my father stayed home with me. She made more money than him anyway. Once, when I was two years…
EVOLUTION theory at a loss – WHY mothers harm their children
My mother’s abuse left me functionally infertile. Like all victims of abuse, I often wonder Why? And as scientist, I seriously wonder Why? Because from an evolutionary standpoint this makes…
cPTSD triggers – are different
A veteran hears a loud bang and jumps out of their chair. PTSD triggers are often depicted in movies, and it is easy to comprehend, action – reaction. But what…
Abusive mothers – underreported
„There will be retribution“ My mother threatened me when I picked up the phone to call the police on her. I must have been about five years old. In kindergarten…
oxytocin ADDICTION – possible?
Oxytocin is the hormone that lets mothers and babies bond. The reciprocal release of oxytocin lowers blood pressure, reduces stress, and promotes calm. Kinda like Xanax. And I believe my…
Two sides of a coin – UNREALISTIC optimism
About half a year into working on my mental health my physical health started to improve, too. Realizing that mind and body are not separate entities, my motivation really accelerated.…
How to know what you are FEELING – with MUSIC
Since my first day on this earth, I have been extradited to my mother’s narcissistic abuse. Nobody was ever concerned about how I felt. So, by the time I hit…